Young Writers Society

XD

I loved the ending. Very nice. There are so many new poets posting in the forum who have the build up, have the build up, and surprise, they get it! And then there's this one. Build up, build up, buildupbuildup-- crash. I like the lowercase at the end, because of the mood it puts across. Also think the caps are fine, puts a strong, clear emphasis on the word. And it's poetry. You can do that with poetry, where you can't (or shouldn't) do it with other forms of writing. Don't see how you can improve on it, though I'm sure you can. I think it's great as is, but also know that there's no such thing as perfect. Do with it what you will, but it's pretty darn great as it is.

Hi! I'm anti-pop and I'll be reviewing your work today


Gears turning slowly, tumblers not working

I sit, my hand on my head, glaring at the riddle

I can't give up, it will hover in my mind until I relent and try again

So I reread the clues for the millionth time.

It just won't click! Too little information!



No, I don't want you to give me the answer, I want to find it myself!

My friends back off, startled but laughing,

'She's such a mule, too stubborn to quit'

I ignore them too, tune out all distractions

So I reread the clues for the umpteenth(Could you find a different word that could serve the same purpose?) time,

It just won't click! Too little information!



Gears turning slowly, tumblers clicking rarely,

A clue here, a clue there,

Beginning to make sense

But I'm still stuck in this [s]one[/s] vicious loop!

The smallest of light bulbs begin to flicker

An idea? A new possibility?



Gears turning, tumblers falling into place

I race through the riddle faster and faster

Too fast, I know, but I cannot help it

The knot is finally becoming untied!

My work and frustration [s]is paying[/s] has payed off!



In my eager haste, I [s]made[/s] make a mistake

I don't know where, but I made a wrong turn

In this convoluted maze of connected clues,

Now I face a dead end, and I have no choice,

But to start again



From scratch.



Shit.



So, here's my initial reaction: What is the point of this poem? What were you trying so hard and desperately to open? Was the lock simply symbolic for problems in life? Or was it just a lock? If so, what was inside that you wanted so badly?
All the same, the last stanza made me laugh. I just knew that was coming. It was also very different from a lot of the pieces on here, and I really enjoyed that. I also felt that the grammar was good as well.

Keep up the good work!


*anti-pop

p.s. I love your signature